Four Horsemen

    It’s October and that means Halloween is just around the corner. Apple cider, trips to the pumpkin patch, costumes, pumpkins, candy, and, of course, haunted houses.

    Why do we like to be scared? I love scary movies. My wife does too and there’s nothing quite as amusing, for me, to see her watching, on the edge of her seat, biting her fingernails, and then jumping 3 feet in the air when I have the audacity to touch her.

    I can’t wait to take her to a haunted house this year!

    Luckily, the Northwest has plenty of them. And, for people like me who like a bargain, consider the Four Horsemen Attractions: Four horrifying haunted houses in one location.

    So, I called the baby sitter (this is not kid stuff!) and the wife and I piled into the family SUV and made our way to the Scaregrounds (Also known as the Clark County Fairgrounds in Ridgefield, Washington. Here, four attractions dominate the landscape:

    Hill House: The legend states that if you stay one night, you belong to it forever. Hill House is what urban legends are birthed from. Even the staunchest horror buff may not be able to handle the horrors that await the walkers around each corner. My wife clutched my hand with such force that I feared my fingers may break. I won’t lie, I was petrified too.

    Next, it was on to the Asylum: We received a cryptic invite from a mad scientist to be Guinea pigs in the most horrifying manner. The Green Run Experiments began in the 1940’s and “[I]nvolved the unrestricted use of radiation experiments on Asylum Patients.”For a few terrifying moments, we were amongst the mad.

    On the way to the next haunt, we decided to take a simulated coffin ride. We were placed in a real coffin and dropped six feet under. My wife and I were both glad that we lived to see another day, as the coffin was not a place we wanted to be again any time soon.

    We paused outside the door to the next attraction: Screamhouse in 3D. We looked at each other. Could we really handle the ghouls and monsters in 3-D? We grabbed each other’s hands and made our way into the 3-D insanity. This maze of 3-D terror was enough to terrify us for years, but there was still more: Android Rebellion.

    This is what I was most looking forward to. This was laser tag monster style. After working up significant stress, if was nice to finally have a weapon to defend ourselves and a platform to release our pent up stress. We blasted away at all kinds of ghouls and goblins and felt some measure of control over our fears.

    All in all, the night was a terrifying blast and we captured it all in the monster photo booth. Surely, these fears would live on forever.

    The Scaregrounds are open Monday through Thursday now through Halloween. It’s close enough to Portland that you can get there quickly… but far enough away to keep some distance between yourself and the monsters. For more information, visit www.fourhorsemenpdx.com/attractions.html.

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